Therefore, this is my prequel to the GOP therapy session. This is ...But Before the Convention.
Event: Donald Trump announces his candidacy.
Song: "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus
I think this is appropriate on many levels. Donald Trump came to destroy the GOP, and he's run an attention whore campaign.
Event: Donald Trump gives out Lindsey Graham's phone number to the world.
Song: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
Hey, you're running for president
And this is crazy
But Trump just gave out your number
So destroy your phone, maybe?
Event: Donald Trump begins attacking Megyn Kelly after the first debate, suggesting she had "blood coming out of her...whatever"
Song: "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift
Just too perfect a song to pass up for the situation. Trump officially began his war on Megyn Kelly and, to a lesser extent, Fox News. Next month, they will sit down for an interview for the first time since before he announced. Expect headlines.
Event: Donald Trump criticizes Carly Fiorina's face.
Song: "I'm a Believer" by Smash Mouth (this version for obvious reasons below)
And then he saw her face, now he's a believer ... that she shouldn't be president? Who are you to judge on looks Trump? He's like an orange ogre that lives in a tower. Speaking of ogres... it's appropriate that this song was used for the film "Shrek."
Event: Trump attacks his opponents for being beholden to donor wishes. (It's an ongoing event.)
Song: "Government Hooker" by Lady Gaga
The title of the song is pretty explanatory, but I would like to thank the early 2000's remake of "Lady Marmalade" for not making me search for hookers on Google.
Event: Dumb (Sarah Palin) endorses Dumber (Donald Trump).
Song: "Team" by Iggy Azalea
And since the endorsement was done in such a sing-song form - like something Dr. Seuss would write...
Event: Marco Malfunctions.
Song: "Mr. Roboto" by Styx
I think the Republican Party really missed an opportunity here. I mean, the opportunity to nominate the first Hispanic cyborg.
Event: Donald Trump says he can shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any support.
Song: "Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj
I think we all know Trump's butt boy who'll end up being the one getting shot.
Event: Chris Christie has his moment.
Song: "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
I think we all felt a little like Chris Christie that day.
Event: Trump once again retweets white supremacists and receives the endorsement of David Duke.
Song: "Oops! ... I Did It Again" by Britney Spears
Trump's surrogates were forced to painfully dance around the topic during brutal television interviews.
Event: In a last ditch effort, Marco Rubio goes full Comedy Central on Donald Trump - even going as far as insinuating something about Trump's hands and something else.
Song: "It's a Small World" by Disney (Curse You)
Because hearing this song is almost as painful as hearing Donald Trump describe his "Donald" on national television during a debate.
Event: And then there were three.
Song: "Survivor" by Destiny's Child
I think it only appropriate that this election season's motto be: "outwit, outplay, outlast."
Event: The Cruz-Trump partnership from early on in the election is dissolved and a Cruz-Kasich partnership is announced.
Song: "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
Because I totally see a Trumpertantrum when the Trump Grump found out about the alliance.
Event: And through this chaos, the white knight known as Paul Ryan has been floated as the savior at a contested convention - which I am 100% behind.
Song: "It's Gonna be Me" by *NSYNC
Let me break down the chorus for you...
Every little thing I do (Like run as VP, then Speaker of the House)
Never seems enough for you (Now you want me to run for President)
You don't want to lose it again (Yeah, I know Trump and Cruz are losers)
But I'm not like them (But, I'm not a loser like them)
Baby, when you finally (When you finally come to your senses)
get to love somebody (And see which candidate you really want)
Guess what, (Here's the kicker)
It's gonna be me... (I'm going to be the nominee)
Well, there goes my mind again...
Find these and many more appropriate songs that correspond with other events this election cycle below.